Lent

Today was Ash Wednesday. We had an Ash Wednesday service at church tonight and it was powerful. Ash Wednesday/Lent is a time to take a look inside yourself and realize that you are not perfect. The good news about this is that the Lenten season is also a time of renewal. The Ash Wednesday service is always very powerful for me, but tonight Jon said something in particular that really affected me. He said he wants to get to the point that the line is blurred between where he ends and where Christ begins. Last year Steve Green challenged us to "look at Jesus, look at ourselves, and confess the difference." In the midst of thinking about all this, I listened to my new Casting Crowns CD and this song absolutely struck my heart and soul:

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

I know that I, for one, have felt the all too familiar feelings this song is expressing pretty frequently lately. Lent. Look inside yourself and allow yourself to crumble and Christ to restore. That's exactly what I plan on doing - no more caught in the middle for me.

La La Land is Over

I started the hard-core training for my job on Monday. I will be enduring this for a month. I have actually learned a lot in the 2 days I have gone so far, which is a plus. The flip side is today was rather depressing and tomorrow is yet to come. Today we talked about sexual abuse and watched an episode of Oprah where she interviewed 3 mothers who had children who had been sexually abused. Very sad. Tomorrow we will be looking at actual pictures of children who have been abused. I want no part of it, but I know I don't have a choice. What kind of sick and twisted world do we live in? It just makes me sick and sad and wishing I could do something. I often wonder what in the world I am doing in a job that has such crazy hours and expectations and depressing stories, then I see the faces of the children we work with or hear the happiness in the voices of the parents who have really worked hard to get their children back and for a split second everything is better. I often have to remind myself that were it not for people like Cara, Brenda, Jenita, myself, and all the other CW workers who are willing to work this crazy job things could be a lot worse. I promise I am not tooting my own horn or trying to make anyone feel guilty - I realize how that last sentence just sounded. It is merely my way of helping myself remember why I do what I do. I am begging you - if you suspect child abuse or neglect, PLEASE report it - you might just save a child's life. 1-800-522-3511

I'm a big girl now

I have made 2 "adult decisions" in a week. I bought a car last weekend (it was beyond time - my old one was just about to kick the can) and 3 days later I put a down payment on an apartment. Welcome to the real world. I start the hard-core training for my job on Monday. I am beyond ready for this - I was bored to tears the last 2 or 3 days at work. I am slightly nervous though as going to training means I am one step closer to my own caseload, which scares me silly right now. I have had PLENTY of shadowing experience - I am just nervous about making decisions that will affect so many people's lives. I am thankful for the chance to love on children and make sure someone is watching out for them. It's a brand new year full of opportunites to love, give, and live. Love your neighbors, give of yourself, and live a life of compassion.

My middle name is grace

So I've always been a rather klutzy person, but this weekend (and today) takes the cake. Friday night was the wedding of two of my good friends. Before said wedding, a friend and I were walking out to use the restroom. En route to the restroom, I did the following: tripped over a stair, walked right into someone, sideswiped another person, and backed into yet another person. At the reception, they had a gazebo set up with branches and holly leaves and what not decorating it (it was a winter-themed wedding). I was walking by said gazebo and got my hair caught in the branches (without realizing it, mind you) and discovered it by attempting to walk forward only to have my head jerked back. I then went to the restroom again, only to run into a door. Saturday, my car decided it hated the cold weather and I got locked out of my car due to really really cold locks. Twice. (I know that's not a klutzy thing, but go with me here) Sunday, I managed to knock several chips out of my bowl of frito chili pie and then proceeded to dump my water all over the table, Cara's phone, and Cara. (Sorry Cara! Glad your phone is ok!) Today, however, was the crowning moment. I was on a monthly worker visit for my job and I had to run back out to my car to grab something. It was dark and I wasn't really paying attention to where I was walking (bad idea) and I walked right into a mud puddle. Now when I say walked, what I really mean is sank. Yes. I put my foot down only to have my right leg promptly sucked into to the mud up to the middle of my calf. The best part of this is when I pulled my foot out, my shoe stayed in the mud and I had to go digging for my shoe. Even better is when the kid I was visiting looks out the front door and sees me standing on the front lawn pouring mud out of my shoe. You may now proceed to laugh.

Ice Ice Baby

I'm just gonna throw this out there - I hate ice. Now don't get me wrong, it's cool to look at and it makes for some fantastic pictures, but I hate the options of being stuck inside vs. dealing with maniac drivers. I also hate not having power. The good news about not having power is I get to spend some quality time with a great friend who let me crash at her apartment with her and her 2 kids. In other news, I still like my job. Right now I am mainly helping people with transporting kids and doing visits, but I do like it. Welp, that's all she wrote for tonight. Stay warm and safe.

Update

Well I have now been with my new job for a little over a week. The verdict is....I'm not sure! I do like it, but I feel so totally unprepared and lost, which is the norm according to my coworkers. My time has been spent reading for my training (which starts in January by the way...JANUARY), shadowing visits with coworkers, shadowing in court with coworkers, long drives for transporting children, etc. For the most part, there is never a dull moment. We have a lady who is leaving at the end of the month so my supervisor has me helping her with her monthly visits. By myself. I have my first one tomorrow morning and it would have to be with the person who tried to pull one over on me when I called to set up the visit today. Nice. Oh well - it will be fine - my supervisor reassured me that "there is no way I can screw up a visit." We'll see about that. :) Ok well that's all for now - if you have any burning questions about my job, leave a comment!

nervous

I start my new job tomorrow - Child Welfare Specialist for DHS. Am I excited? Somewhat. Am I nervous? That would be a YES. I know it will be fine, especially since the first few weeks are training and I won't actually have my own cases until at very least a little over a month from now. It's just the newjobIdon'tknowanyoneorwhatImasupposedtodowithmyself blues. 10 points if you got that the first time without having to read it again. I will let you know how it went. Say a little prayer for me!

Also - Laurie - I got you e-mail and your dress is STUNNING! You are going to be a gorgeous bride :)

The end.